• 2007-07-02

    为马克 白尔斯先生最新剧本"兵团"(Legion)提出的修改意见

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    http://www.blogbus.com/danecao-logs/6272159.html

     马克 白尔斯先生简介: Mark Byers先生是好莱坞职业剧作家,导演与制片人.作品涉及众多领域,并多次获得艾美奖提名.他还积极参与中美影视合拍片的推动与促进工作,为大中型影视项目进行国际融资,项目优化,剧本改良,海外发行等.其在中国的代表性影视作品包括著名电影"刮痧"和动作影片"猛龙".

        Note: For confidentiality reasons,I can't disclose the treatment of the movie which Mr Byers has kindly sent me for suggestions a few days before.So it might be a little difficult for you guys to grasp what's going on.But my aim of posting this is not to spoil a movie-in-the-progress,but to show you guys how a story ends up shown on the big screen.

    注: 由于保密原因,我不能将白尔斯先生前几天发给我的剧本故事纲要公布出来.这可能会使得各位看官在阅读我的修改意见时有丈二和尚摸不着头脑的感觉.但值得指出的是,我发布出这些意见的初衷不是要曝光一部正在制作中的精彩电影情节,而是让诸位初步了解一下电影项目是如何从一个故事走向大银幕的.

    My humble suggestions for the screenplay of    Legion:

      Add a series of new scenes before the eerie images you previously set at the beginning of the movie:

    A few words appear on the dark screen:

            2007 AD,Tian Shan,China

      Fade in:  Starting from a long shot of the blue sky with the Grand and brooding Tian shan Mountain silhouetted against it.A breathtaking and awe-inspiring view.

      Then as if to add a touch of softness to the natural ruggedness camera slowly angles down and traces a few strands of cooking smoke apparently emitted from rows of houses,a villiage!

      We now begin to hear voices- indistinct dog barks and laughter- laugher clear and cystal like the sound made by silver bells.

      Camera continues down and stays on a cute little girl.She is young,lovely and with strong western facial features.if not for the Tian shan mountain not far away and the harsh living conditions surrounding you ,you'd think you are seeing an Italian little girl on the street of Florence.

      She is playing with a BIG dog.A buck-as-in-the-call-of-the-wild kind of dog.Massive,but not so menacing. The way he moves makes clear that he is still capable of ferocious things,though.Laughing heartily,The girl tries to straddle him,plucking at his ears and fur.The dog acts too docile for an animal of his stature and stamina.For the girl's playful onslaught,he only gives out a couple of light barks in protest.

      Camera zooms in and focuses on the eye pupils of the dog-   his eyes still shining with primitive ferocity – on the dark part of the pupils- in an instant,the dark parts morph into the darkness of menacing nights we see at the beginning of the original draft.

     

     

     

      Add a series of new scenes near the end of the movie:

      The ending of the original draft.

      Fade out.

      Fade in:Clear beautiful sky of Tian shan mountain areas. We hear the silver-bell laughter of the girl again.A female voice cuts in quite suddenly,but not so abruptly, "Xiao Yin,home for lunch!" We hear the girl call back with silver voices: "Coming,Mom!". "Come,big wolf,let's go!" you could tell she is clearly trying to drag the big dog along with her,for the dog is growling a little,meekly, and making that light marks again. "WOO,WONG,WONG WONG,…", in mild protest. Camera angles to focus on the cooking smoke spiraling up in the gentle breeze above the snug village in the cradle of the grand Tian Shan mountain….

       Fade out.

       Cast billing comes up.

     

    UPDATEThe way I treat the opening and ending scenes is professionally called"modern-day bookends",according to Mr Mark Byers.An apt metaphor!At the beginning we flash into the past;Near the end,we flash out of the past and into the present day again. Sorta like going through a tunnel.Mark Said it's a great idea and might add them.We have to wait until his screenplay comes out to see if that's the case.

     

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  • Hi Dane, thanks for your new post, it's professional topic about Movie. I hope that I will read more posts and comprehend deeply, even though it's fairly difficulty for me.
    回复Max说:
    Hi,Max:
    Thank you for your interest.You are really a keen english learner and sure get a lot of potential.I'm glad you are interested in movie-industry english and hope to talk to you soon about this glamourous industry.
    BTW,If you are truly attracted to screenplay stuff,I may send you the treatment of the screenplay "Legion" by Mr Mark Byers(The screenwriter and producer of Gua Sha 刮痧).And we shall talk a bit about this story next time we hold an oral-english instruction session online.
    What do you say,Max?!
    2007-07-09 18:01:45